So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
