Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you never un-have a 4some
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Couch. On fire.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize