I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
