i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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