Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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