He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
