i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
