what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
