I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
