you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
