VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
