Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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