You're earring is so big in my mouth
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
