Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Enjoy the penises
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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