Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
