someone owes me an orgasm
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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