i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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