I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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