I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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