i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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