Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
