I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
