thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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