First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
