we have officially lost it.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
