I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
