no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
