Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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