is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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