We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
