yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
