You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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