Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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