i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
