She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Operation Purity has been aborted
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I believe in your delicious
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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