I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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