Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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