I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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