Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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