I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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