I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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