Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
