When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
