You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
