yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
