I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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