i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
