At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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