I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
