So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize