I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
