new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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