somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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