Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
