Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
