she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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