What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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