so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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