Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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