69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
