sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
