you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
