good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
