ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
