I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just tell him i said nine months
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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