i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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