either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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