"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
