How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
