dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
