I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
