Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
