Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Drunk is not a location!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
