Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
