nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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