did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
